Motivation!

This past week training has been quite interesting with Nico, he is starting to use his back in a very different way which has resulted in some of his best work undersaddle and also some explosions on the side, he's discovering a new way of using his body and sometimes this new found power and connection freaks him out a bit so we get these weird little explosive bursts in between some of the work but then when he settles out of it he feels really really awesome, all understandable as he's learning some new things about his body but makes for some interesting rides!:D  That being said the good moments he is giving me in training now feel really fantastic and I think that the Grand Prix ring is looking closer and closer now which is a great thing to be able to say-he's had all of the Grand Prix tricks for a couple years now but it was the connection of putting things together, keeping him through and getting in and out of things that was always tricky, now I feel that we are on the brink of this becoming quite rideable!  I was quite happy that I opted out of showing this past weekend (I made the executive decision that we needed to do some focusing on training for a couple of weeks and get back to some basics) as the advanced division ended up split over two days due to entries and then had a half day delay due to an insane storm that blew through-it was a seriously crazy storm don't think I've seen a sky that black before so if there was a show to miss this was the one!  On top of that it gave me a chance to take in some of the Masters which was on here this week down at the Jim Brandon Center, as per my usual routine I spent most of the time watching the warmup ring as I think that's where you can really learn the most, it's always fun to watch the tests of course because that's where it all looks pretty and presented but there is so much more to be gained by watching the riders in the warmup, their technique, timing and corrections.  It was nice to have some inspiration as this past week has been a bit of a struggle for me mentally, not with the riding aspect but with the career direction side of things, the reality of what it is going to take financially for me to continue to train and compete at this level and more is setting in a bit and I've had a few little panic attacks trying to figure out how to make it all happen, my whole life I've never been the richest person at the shows, never had the fanciest horse nor the most expensive equipment but I've always had the passion, dedication and work ethic to get myself ahead no matter what or where I was riding and I always found my way down the path, now I am at a point in my career where sometimes the brutal reality is that it doesn't matter how hard you work, if the finances aren't there you get stuck and sometimes that can feel like a really bitter pill to swallow, there's a great line from a movie that describes exactly how I've felt this past week, "I was never more certain of how far away I was from my goal than when I was standing right beside it".  On that note I don't want to come across like I'm feeling negative about things, I've certainly never been a quitter before in my life and I'm not one to dwell on the things I don't have, this whole experience has been so amazing in terms of education that I can't feel down for too long, I just have to really keep my focus set on ways to make my goals possible, I know without a doubt that I have the focus and work ethic necessary for the top level of sport, there is nothing I wouldn't give of myself to make this dream a reality and now I have to keep the motivation to go back home and try to seek out potential sponsorship opportunities (I've got some great friends who have given me some ideas on places to start and I'm open to any other ideas anyone out there might have) in order to continue to train and compete on this level, now that I've finally had the chance to experience it first hand I know more than ever how badly I want it and I have no intentions of taking a step backward in this lifetime, keeping oneself motivated at times like this is definitely paramount and I intend to keep my eyes firmly fixated on the goals and dreams of the future:)